When your teen says "You don't get it"

My daughter looked at me one afternoon and said:

"I know you're trying to help... but can you not right now?"

And the truth was, she was right.

I'd walked in with the answer before she'd told me the problem.

I'd been going over her assignment with her. Trying to help. I thought I was doing the right thing.

She wasn't being rude. She was being honest.

When teens say, “You don't get it,” they're describing the moment the conversation changed.

Your teen starts telling you what happened. But before they've finished, the parent part of your brain kicks in. You start trying to solve it. Explain it. Steer it somewhere better.

It comes from a good place.

But to your teenager, the message lands as: you skipped the part where you understood me.

And that's the moment they stop talking.

From that point on, they've checked out. Still in the room, still answering—but in one-word answers, shrugs, “fine.”

Parents think they're helping. Teenagers experience it as being managed.

Stepping in with “suggestions” feels like good parenting in the moment.

So the pattern keeps repeating because from where you're standing, you're just trying to help.

You can't see where the conversation starts to go sideways from inside it. You're too close, and it moves too fast.

If nothing shifts, something quieter starts happening.

Your teenager stops bringing the hard stuff to you.

You find out about things later—from another parent, or after the fact. When you ask why they didn't tell you, the answer is usually, "I already handled it."

But what they're really saying is: "I didn't want another conversation like that."

If you're reading this thinking, I do this and I don't know how to stop—

Most parents can't see where the conversation actually turned because it happens fast, and it feels like you're just trying to help.

On a Parenting Breakthrough Call, we slow one real conversation down and look at the exact moment the pattern started. Once you can see it clearly, the next conversation with your teen goes very differently.

You can book here.

🧡 Jeanine