To the parent doing the invisible work

Someone asked me recently to thank myself as a parent.

Not for the obvious stuff like showing up to games or helping with college apps. For the invisible stuff.

My first reaction was, honestly, Ugh, that's uncomfortable.

But I started writing anyway.

And I wrote things like:

I thank myself for the night I found out my son had ADD and stayed up until 2 AM reading everything I could find. For walking into that new school with my heart pounding, knowing we needed more support and not knowing if we'd get it.

I thank myself for loving him in the moments when he was being impossible. For taking a breath during the arguments instead of saying the thing I couldn't take back. For sitting with my own fear at 1 AM when his phone went straight to voicemail.

And I started crying.

And I realized—this is most of the work.

The 11 PM conversations with yourself. The apology you gave, even when you weren't sure you were wrong. The conversation you chose not to have because the timing was off and you knew it.

Nobody sees that. It doesn't count anywhere.

And under all of it, there's usually a thought that doesn't get said out loud:

If I were doing this right, it wouldn't feel this hard.

I just want to say—I don't think that's true.

I think the parents carrying the most are often the ones trying the hardest. Not the ones who have it figured out. The ones who keep going back in, even when it didn't go well last time.

That's not failure. That's just what this stage actually requires.

You don't have to be past it or have it figured out.

You're just allowed to see what you've been doing.

Because a lot of it has been love.

🧡 Jeanine

Comment and tell me—what's one piece of invisible work you've been doing that nobody has noticed?

Holding your tongue during an argument. Driving them somewhere when you were exhausted. Staying calm when you really wanted to yell.

I'd genuinely love to hear.