You love your teenager. So why is it so hard to talk to them?
You ask one simple question, and somehow you’re arguing again. Maybe it was about homework. Or the phone. Or why she didn’t text that she’d be late.
You stayed calm. You chose your words carefully.
And it still ended with a slammed door. Or “Fine.” Or nothing at all.
And you’re thinking, I don’t know what else to do.
Most parents come to me about the problem they can see. The grades, the gaming, the attitude, the lying.
Of course those are real. But they’re usually not the whole story.
When you understand what’s creating the behavior, you solve a completely different problem.
I’m Jeanine, a Stanford graduate, certified coach, and mom of three.
I’m based in Dana Point, California, and offer private parenting coaching over Zoom to parents of tweens, teens, and young adults in Orange County and around the world.
When every question gets “Fine.”
5 Questions That Get Teens Talking
A free guide with five questions to help you get past one-word answers and hear what your teenager actually thinks.
It usually isn’t about the test.
You see the grade in the portal before he even gets home.
You tell yourself you’ll wait. You’ll stay calm.
Then he walks in, and you hear yourself say, “Why did you get a D?”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”
And he’s up the stairs.
You thought you were asking about a test.
But he may have heard something else entirely.
And just like that, the conversation’s over.
That’s the part that’s so hard to see from inside your own kitchen.
If you’ve caught yourself thinking…
I don’t know what to say to her anymore.
Why is he nice to everyone but me?
Maybe I should just stop asking.
What if she stops coming to me altogether?
It’s hard to know what to do when you’re right in the middle of it. And it’s even harder to see what you might be missing.
Your teenager still needs you. They just need you differently now.
"I was in a really bad place when we started. Now we just don’t fight as much. We’re in a pretty good place."
— Megan K., mother of a 7th grader
What changed for me
I used to track my son, remind him, and lecture him because I was worried about the choices he was making.
I thought I was helping.
But the more I pushed, the further away he got.
So I started paying more attention to what was happening with him, instead of jumping straight to what I thought he needed to do.
Today, he calls me when something good happens. And when something’s hard.
For the parents I work with, sometimes that means fewer arguments about homework. Sometimes it means your teenager tells you something they might have kept to themselves before. And sometimes it starts with catching yourself before the same argument happens again.
"When I found a vape in my daughter’s bedroom, I didn’t blow up like I would’ve in the past… Now, we’re closer. My daughter sends me ‘I miss u’ texts."
— Diane C., mother of two daughters, 16 and 18
"Last night he came to me about his grades, and we actually talked. I’d stopped thinking that could happen."
— Mark T., father of a 16-year-old
"This morning, my daughter came downstairs early just to have coffee with me. We talked and laughed like we used to."
— Rachel M., mother of a 15-year-old
What happens on a Parenting Breakthrough Call
We’ll talk about what’s been happening at your house. The argument that keeps repeating. The thing you’ve already tried five times.
We’ll look at what might be creating the problem, why what you’ve tried hasn’t worked the way you hoped, and what you could do differently.
So the next time it happens, you have a better idea of what you’re dealing with.
The Parenting Breakthrough Call is a complimentary, 60-minute conversation on Zoom.
If we decide working together makes sense, we can continue with private, one-on-one coaching. You try something at home, and next time we talk about what happened. What worked. What didn’t. So you’re not figuring it out on your own.