When you dread hearing their footsteps in the hallway

Let me tell you about my client, Wendy.

She has a 16-year-old daughter, Emma, and for a long time, nearly every interaction felt… loaded.

Not explosive.
Just tense. Snappy.
Like, even the smallest question might set something off.

Wendy would knock on Emma's door to hand her clean laundry and hear:

"WHAT?!"

Or she'd ask, "Who are you hanging out with today?" and get:

"Why do you care?"

It got to the point where she dreaded hearing Emma's footsteps because they usually meant another argument.

She told me:

"I feel on edge all the time. I hate that I'm starting to avoid my own kid."

On the outside, she looked like a warm, thoughtful, highly involved mom.
On the inside, she felt like she was failing at the relationship that mattered most.

At night, she'd lie in bed thinking:

How did we get here? And how do I get her back without making it worse?

At first, Wendy did what so many good parents do when they're scared they're losing their kid.

She tried harder.
She tried correcting:

"Don't be so disrespectful!"
"You can't talk to me like that."

She drilled her about school:

"Why didn't you turn this in?"
"Do you want me to help you catch up?"

Wendy thought she was staying on top of things.
Emma felt judged, pressured, and misunderstood.

And Wendy kept thinking:

Why is she like this?
and then two seconds later…
No, it's me. I'm the problem.

Parents rarely talk about this part out loud.
The shame.
The confusion.
The fear that maybe nothing will help.

That they've already damaged the relationship too much.

Most parents don't reach out for help here.
They tell themselves they "should" be able to figure it out.

When Wendy and I started working together, we didn't jump into fixing Emma.

We looked at what was actually driving these daily blowups—the part you can't see when you're in it every day.

Wendy wasn't reacting to Emma's attitude, she was reacting to her own fear:

Fear that she was losing her daughter.
Fear that she was doing it "wrong."
Fear that if she didn't correct everything in the moment, Emma would fall behind.

And when a parent leads from fear, even a little, teenagers feel it.

So instead of teaching Wendy how to "say the right thing," we worked on helping her respond to what was underneath Emma's attitude… not just the attitude itself.

Tiny things at first.

When Emma snapped, "Fine. You can leave now."
Instead of firing back with, "Don't be so disrespectful," Wendy tried:

"You seem really stressed. I'll leave, but I'm here if you want to talk."

When Emma barked out a demand, Wendy stopped absorbing the intensity and tried:

"I know you can say that in a different way."

And when Wendy felt the urge to do it for her, which shut Emma down every time, she tried:

"Do you want my help, or do you want me to listen?"

These weren't scripts.
They were new skills:

✨ noticing what's underneath the attitude
✨ responding to the feeling, not the tone
✨ not piling her own panic onto Emma's overwhelm
✨ staying steady long enough for connection to come back

This is what I call the Connection Over Control Approach: responding to what's underneath the attitude, not just managing the behavior you see.

As Wendy changed her words and tone, something shifted with Emma.

Not perfectly.
But enough.

Sometimes Emma stomped away.
But sometimes… her tone lost its edge.

And more importantly, Wendy felt different.

She told me:

"I feel a little less bummed. I'm not taking it quite as personally when she's mean."

She still snapped sometimes.
We all do.

But she caught herself faster.
She knew how to walk away before getting pulled into an argument.

And instead of absorbing Emma's anxiety, she started thinking:
Okay, she's overwhelmed. I don't have to pile my panic on top of hers.

This was the shift.

Responding to what was underneath the attitude instead of reacting to the attitude itself.

Slowly, things at home felt different.

Emma shared more about school when Wendy didn't jump in and tell her what to do.

Homecoming came and went with fewer meltdowns.
Emma actually texted her from the dance: "Leaving now. Getting food with Sarah."
No drama. No fight. Just... normal communication.

And then came the moment she still thinks about.

It wasn't a big apology.
No dramatic heart-to-heart.

Just… a Tuesday.

Wendy was in the kitchen doing something ordinary.
Emma came in, leaned on the counter, and started talking.

About friends.
About school.
About nothing and everything.

Wendy thought:

This is nice. This is normal.

Not perfect.
Not fixed forever.
But real.

And she finally felt like she wasn't losing her daughter after all.

If you're reading this and thinking, I can totally relate to Wendy and her daughter,

Please hear this:

You’re not broken.
You’re just stuck in a cycle that keeps repeating.

Listen, what's been happening at home is fixable.
You just need an outside perspective to see what’s driving it.

That's exactly what a Parenting Breakthrough Call is for.

You might be thinking,

I've read the books.
I've tried being patient.
Will one conversation really change anything?

Here's what's different:

I help you see the patterns you can't see when you're living in it every day.
The blind spots that keep you stuck.
The reactions that feel like good parenting but push them away.

One conversation won't fix everything. But it will show you exactly what's been happening and what to do instead.

This call is for parents who:

• Feel shut out or disconnected

• Replay hard moments at night

• Feel like everything they say makes things worse

• Are scared they're "ruining" the relationship

• Want things to feel lighter at home again

This call is NOT for parents looking for:

• A quick fix or magic phrase to memorize

• Someone to tell you what's "wrong" with your teen

• A way to change them without looking at your own patterns

This IS for parents ready to understand what's driving the distance and willing to shift how they show up.

In 60 minutes, we'll talk through:

• The real reason the tension keeps happening

• What's actually fueling the shutdown or attitude

• What you can do differently this week

Most parents wait until things get unbearable.

But here's what happens while you wait:

The distance grows.
The tension becomes normal.

And those ordinary moments—when she just talks to you—become harder and harder to get back.

You don't have to wait.

You can book your Parenting Breakthrough Call here.

One mom told me, "You helped me see I wasn't losing her—I was just approaching it all wrong. For the first time in months, I felt hopeful instead of helpless."

That's what this call is for.
To help you see what you can't see alone.
And walk away with a clear path forward.

You deserve to feel that kind of relief, too.

🧡 Jeanine