What if stepping back makes things worse?

After Tuesday's email, a mom wrote me with the fear almost every parent has:

“If I step back… won't everything just fall apart? And won't that be my fault?”

That one hits deep, doesn’t it?

Michelle felt the exact same way when we first started working together.

Remember Tuesday's story about her son Thomas—the overwhelm, the procrastination, the panic that looked like “not motivated.”

When we talked about letting go, even a little, the fears came fast:

"But if I don't push, he won't try."
"If I stop checking, he'll stop caring."
"If I let go, isn't that being irresponsible?"

It made perfect sense that she felt this way.

She loves her kid.
She sees his potential.
And she’s terrified of what happens if she isn’t holding everything together.

But here’s what Michelle started to realize:

He wasn't avoiding his work because she wasn't doing enough.

He was stuck because he didn't feel safe enough to try.

Then came a night when he had another assignment waiting for him. The kind that used to send him into that familiar late-night spiral.

Michelle felt her old instinct rise:

Let me jump in.
Let me fix this.
Let me make sure he doesn’t fall behind.

But instead, she took a breath and said:

"Go fail with honor, Thomas."

Not sarcastic.
Not dismissive.
Just permission to try, even if it looked messy.

And here's what Michelle told me on our celebration call:

Thomas had a big econ portfolio due, the kind he used to start at 10 pm the night before.

But this time?

He started earlier in the week.
Did it in pieces.
Stayed calm.

He even showed it to his teacher ahead of time to get feedback.

And then he told Michelle:

"Mom, I finished and I didn’t use AI!"

Not said to impress her.
Said because, for the first time, he believed he could do it.

That belief—that he could actually do it—that’s real motivation.

Michelle laughed through tears and said:

“He’s turning the corner. He planned ahead. He stayed calm. He believed in himself. I’ve never seen him do that before.”

This is why stepping back matters.
Not because you care less.
But because they need room to believe they can do it.

When you shift from:
"Just get it done." to
"Do what you can, even if it's messy,"

they stop making excuses.
The shame quiets down.
And suddenly… they can actually try.

If you read Tuesday’s story and thought, That's my kid… but what if I step back and nothing changes?

You’re not alone.

So many parents feel this way.
So many are exhausted from holding all the pieces together.
And so many are terrified of what will happen if they stop.

There is another way.

A way to step back without checking out.
A way to lower the pressure without lowering your standards.
A way to support them without rescuing them.

If you'd like help finding that balance, I can walk you through it.

Tap to book a Parenting Breakthrough Call

One parent told me, “You helped me see that backing off doesn't mean I'm giving up on him. For the first time in months, I feel hopeful. I can't tell you how much I needed that."

One hour to finally exhale.
No pressure, just help.

🧡 Jeanine