“I lost my shit.”

Finals were approaching, and one of my clients' sons had 10 missing assignments.

What we didn't know yet was why.

I had a hunch he was overwhelmed, but I didn't want us to assume.

So before deciding what to do about the missing assignments, I wanted her to get curious about what was getting in the way.

She started by asking:

“I saw you have some missing assignments. What happened?”

“Don't worry about it, Mom. I'll do it tonight.”

Instead, he watched TV. Played video games. Took a bath.

At 9:00, when he still hadn't started, she tried:

“What's stopping you from getting your homework done?”

“I'm going to!”

We hopped on our next call, and she opened with:

“I lost my shit last night.”

I stifled a giggle. “Who hasn't?”

Then we went back through what happened.

She thought he needed more rules. More discipline. Something that would make him sit down and get the work done.

But what if the problem wasn't that he didn't care?

What if he didn't know how to get started?

So instead of creating more pressure, we came up with a strategy to help him feel less overwhelmed.

What might be one small step he could take to get the ball rolling?

Where did he need some support instead of another reminder?

She tried it.

On our next call, she said,

“What we talked about was super helpful! He caught up on his missing assignments!”

And the really cool part was her aha.

What she'd thought was a discipline problem looked very different now.

Because when you're solving the wrong problem, you can spend weeks going round and round.

More reminders. More rules. More consequences.

Same argument.

When you figure out what's behind the thing that's driving you crazy—the phone, the attitude, the lack of motivation—you can stop throwing solutions at the wrong problem and figure out what will actually help.

Tell me what's happening at your house on Tuesday at 8:47 p.m.

What she said. What you said back. What you already tried. The part where you lost your patience. The part where you're thinking, I have no idea what to do now.

I'd love to hear what's going on. Your reply comes straight to me, and I'll write you back.

🧡 Jeanine