She didn't even ask

"I'm going to the mall with my friends."

And you're thinking:
Wait. What?
You haven't finished your homework.
What about studying for your Chem test?
I thought we were having dinner together.
And since when do you make plans without asking?

You want her to have fun with her friends.
But does that mean she can just make plans whenever she wants?

And somehow you're the bad guy. Again.

Do you tell her she can't go and end up in another argument?
Or let her go because you really don't feel like fighting about it?

Why does something as simple as going to the mall have to turn into this?

A mom I'm working with recently brought these same concerns to coaching.

First, I wanted to know what had been happening.

Did they ever agree that she had to finish homework before she could make plans?
What happened the last time Mom said no?
What has she tried to help her daughter stay on top of schoolwork?

Because the last thing I want to do is suggest something she's already tried five times. 😂

Maybe she's been reminding her daughter about homework, and every reminder turns into an argument.
Maybe her daughter didn't ask because she was expecting another lecture.

We talk through what's been happening, what might be getting in the way, and what makes sense to try next.

Then she goes home and tries it.

Maybe the conversation goes well, and she comes back with something else she wants to work on.
Or her daughter gets annoyed and walks away.
Or they make an agreement, but a few days later her daughter does the same thing again.
Or Mom starts calm and still ends up lecturing.

That's not the end of our work together.
It's what we talk about next time.

And we don't have to start from scratch. I already know what's been happening with her daughter and what she's tried.

We look at what worked, where things got difficult, and what she could try next.

So she doesn't have to keep figuring everything out on her own.

If you're tired of choosing between another argument and letting it go, I'd love to talk.

On a Parenting Breakthrough Call, we'll look at what's keeping you stuck and how we'd work through it together.

🧡 Jeanine