Why he doesn’t back you up

You already told your daughter to put her phone in the kitchen for the night.

She’s mad, your husband is saying, “Just let her have it,” and you’re thinking:

Why can’t you just back me up?

I get it.

Because from where you’re standing, it feels pretty simple.

You told her to put the phone away.

He told her she could keep it.

Either he backs you up, or he doesn’t.

But I think there’s something that’s really hard to see when you’re the one who just got overruled.

It’s what happens next.

“But WHY?! Everyone else gets to. This is so stupid!”

You’re thinking:

She can be mad. The phone still goes in the kitchen.

He might be thinking:

Is this really worth everyone getting upset over?
It’s not that big of a deal.
It’s fine. Let her keep it.

But now following through just got a whole lot harder.

That’s the part I think is so easy to miss.

You may actually agree about the phone.

What you don’t agree on is what to do when she’s furious about it.

And if you don’t see that part, the next time it happens, you end up right back where you started.

You’re the one left trying to follow through.

And you’re thinking:

Why am I always the one who has to do this?

If this keeps happening in your house, we can figure it out on a Parenting Breakthrough Call.

We’ll look at what happens when one of you wants to follow through, and the other is thinking, This fight isn’t worth it.

Then we’ll figure out what you can do instead so you don’t contradict each other in front of your teenager.

🧡 Jeanine