I feel like the bad guy all the time

A mom said something at Coffee & Conversation recently that made every other mom in the room nod.

She said:

"I feel like the bad guy all the time."

Not because of her teenager.

Because of what happened every time she brought something up.

She'd bring up the summer job.

Her partner would say:

"He's only sixteen."

She'd bring up the gaming.

Her partner would say:

"It's summer."

She'd bring up how late he was staying up.

Her partner would say:

"He'll figure it out."

And after a while, she found herself thinking:

Great.

Now I'm the bad guy again.

I think a lot of parents know this feeling.

You see something that concerns you.

The curfew.

The driving.

The friend group.

The amount of time disappearing into screens.

You say something because you care.

And somehow you end up feeling like you're the difficult one.

The strict one.

The one making a big deal out of things.

The one who can't let it go.

After a while, it starts getting confusing.

Because part of you thinks:

Maybe I am making too much of this.

Maybe I should just let it go.

And another part of you thinks:

No.

This matters.

Should I push harder?

Should I back off?

Am I overreacting?

Or am I seeing something nobody else seems to be seeing?

That's exhausting.

Not because you and your partner are fighting all the time.

Because after a while, you start questioning yourself.

You replay conversations in your head.

You wonder if you should have said more.

Or less.

You didn't set out to be the strict parent.

Or the serious one.

Or the one who's always bringing things up.

But somehow that's the role you keep ending up in.

And maybe that's the hardest part.

You didn't want to be the bad guy.

You just wanted someone else to see what you're seeing.

🧡 Jeanine

Tell me—what's the parenting issue you and your partner see completely differently right now?