Your job isn’t to control them. It’s to connect.

A mom told me recently, “I just want to do it right.”

She’d read the books. Watched the reels. Signed up for every expert’s newsletter.

But still, that hollow feeling wouldn’t go away,
…every time her 15-year-old walked past her in the kitchen without a word.
…every conversation that ended in a sigh or slammed door.

And under all of it? That question no one really says out loud:
What if I’m losing them?

If you’ve felt that too—you’re not alone. And you’re not failing.

Because your job as a parent hasn’t ended.
It’s just changed.

🚫 Here’s what it’s not anymore:

It’s not to prevent every mistake.
It’s not to fix every problem.
It’s not to keep the peace at all costs.

You’re not meant to control their journey.
You're here to guide. To mentor. To teach.
To love without conditions.
To show up, even when it’s hard.

✨ And what they need now is this:

→ To feel emotionally safe.
So they know they can come to you with anything.
Even when they mess up.
Even when they don’t know what’s wrong.

→ To lead with calm authority, not control.
Holding boundaries with strength and warmth.

→ To stay curious instead of reactive.
Sometimes the eye roll isn’t disrespect, it’s overwhelm.
Sometimes silence isn’t rejection,
it’s them not knowing how to open up.

→ To model what it looks like to be human.
They don’t need you to be perfect.
They need to see how you keep showing up with love, even after a hard moment.

→ To grow up, without losing you.
You might not be the driver anymore.
But you’re still riding shotgun.

→ To believe in who they’re becoming.
Especially when they can’t see it yet.
Notice the quiet effort. The kindness. The spark.

Psychologist David Yeager says teens thrive when we offer both standards and support—when we hold high expectations and help them believe they can meet them.

The teenage years ask something new of you.
Not perfection. Not power. Not rescuing.

It’s about walking alongside them with trust, strength, and compassion.

So instead of that familiar knot in your stomach when they walk through the door,
You feel steady.

And when something big happens in their world—
You’re the one they come to.

Because this season of parenting is tender. Beautiful. Complicated.

And you don’t have to figure it out alone.

🧡 Jeanine

P.S. If you’ve been wondering what your role is now, or just feeling a little more distant than you want, I’d love to hear what’s on your heart. Click here