Why your teen is kinder with other adults

The car door closes. Seatbelts click.
And you try again: “How was your day?”

“Fine.”
“Nothing.”
“It was good.”

Just minutes earlier, your teen was laughing with their coach after practice—answering questions, making eye contact, even joking.

You sit there thinking,
Why are they nice to everyone but me?

And the part that stings a little is this:
You’re the one who cares the most.

…

What most parents quietly start noticing

Over time, the small conversations begin to disappear.
Fewer random check-ins. Fewer times they come to you first.

You’re standing outside their door at 10pm, debating whether to knock and bring up the grade you saw in the portal—or let it go for tonight.

When conversations start with that kind of tension, teens stop bringing you the smaller problems—the friendship drama, the test anxiety, the moments where your perspective would actually matter.

Not because they don’t need you.
Because home has started to feel like the place where problems get bigger, not smaller.

…

What’s actually happening in those moments

When something goes wrong—a bad grade, attitude, recklessness—a thought flashes through your mind:

If I don’t deal with this now, it’ll get worse.

You feel that tightening in your chest.
The pull to say something immediately.

That fear moves faster than you think.
It sounds like:
“Why didn’t you study?”
“You need to turn this around. Now.”
“How many times have we talked about this?”

The intention is to help, but your teen resists before the conversation even begins.
Correction before connection creates defensiveness.

I see this in almost every family I work with—loving, involved parents starting conversations panicked, then wondering why their influence quietly starts to shrink.

…

Why other adults seem easier to talk to

It’s not that your teen respects them more.
What most parents don’t realize is that the conversation simply starts differently.

A coach hears, “I totally messed up that play,” and says,
“That was a tough moment. I know you wanted that one.”

At home, the same moment often begins with,
“Why weren’t you paying attention?”

Same event.
Different opening.
Very different outcome.

Because the coach isn’t carrying the same fear you are in that moment, connection comes first, and the player hears what to adjust.

At home, the stakes feel higher.
You care more, you worry more—so pressure shows up faster, and teens feel it immediately.

Not because you’re doing something wrong.
Because you’re the parent.

…

What the shift looks like in real life

One mom I worked with was convinced her son wouldn't listen no matter what she said. Every conversation about school ended the same way—short answers, attitude, done before it began.

On our call, we slowed down one real moment, and she noticed something she'd never seen before—her voice had already tightened before she asked the question. Her son felt it immediately.

The next time he mentioned a test he bombed, instead of “Why didn’t you study?” she said,
“That must feel awful.”

He didn’t shut down.
He kept talking.

Within minutes, they were talking about what he could do next. Something that hadn’t happened in months.

When parents make this shift, conversations last longer, defensiveness drops, and influence begins to return.

…

If you’re thinking, “This won’t work with my kid.”

Many of the parents I work with felt the same way until they realized the moment that needed to shift wasn’t their child’s behavior, but the opening seconds of the conversation.

A simple place to start: before asking any question, name the experience first—in one sentence.

“That sounds frustrating.”
“That must have been disappointing.”
“I can see why that bothered you.”

This is one of the first shifts we make on a Parenting Breakthrough Call.

Together, we take one real situation from your home, slow it down, and identify what you can't see on your own—the moment your fear shows up in your voice before you realize it, and the exact point where your teen stops listening.

Then I show you the order that actually works to keep conversations open, so you're not trying to figure it out in the heat of the moment.

You can book a complimentary Parenting Breakthrough Call here.

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

🧡 Jeanine