Why your “helpful” advice might be pushing your teen away

Yesterday, a mom told me,
“Apparently my new job title is Chief Reminder Officer. Clean your room. Do your homework. Get some sleep. I’m exhausted. I just want him to put in some effort—but it’s like he doesn’t even hear me anymore.”

I asked her, “When was the last time you told him what he’s doing right?”

She got quiet.

Here’s the thing—
You believe in your teen’s potential. That’s why it’s so hard to stay silent when you see them making choices that don’t reflect their best self.

So you speak up. You give advice.
You hope they’ll take your wisdom and run with it.

But to your teen, it can sound more like:
“You don’t trust me. You think I’m doing it all wrong.”

And while you’re just trying to be helpful, somehow it turns into attitude or another argument.

You might wonder, But don’t they still need my guidance?
Absolutely. They do.
But teens are far more open to your input when they feel seen and supported first.

So here’s another way in.

Next time your teen does something right—no matter how small—say something about it.

Not a generic “Good job.”
Something real. Specific.

“You could’ve blown that off, but you stuck with it. That’s perseverance.”

Then ask: “How did you do that?”

Help them see what you see—that they’re creative, resourceful, resilient. That they have real strengths to build on.

These small moments shape how they see themselves—
like sunshine for their confidence and fuel for how they move through the world.

And over time? That self-image becomes the compass they use to make bigger choices.

Not because you told them what to do,
but because you helped them believe they already have what it takes.

❤️ Jeanine

P.S. If this resonates, and you're ready for parenting tools that actually bring you closer to your teen instead of pushing them away, let’s talk. Click here to schedule a free call.