Maybe he is handling it

Have you ever had your teenager tell you about a problem and immediately thought:

Wait. You're not worried about this?

Maybe he tells you he still hasn't emailed the teacher.

“When are you going to do it?”

“I don't know. Probably tomorrow.”

Tomorrow?! Why wouldn't you just do it now?

So you ask another question.

“What are you going to say?”

Or offer a suggestion.

“Why don't you just email him now and get it over with?”

And before you know it, you're thinking about that email way more than he is.

I used to think this meant my kids weren't handling things.

But looking back, I can see something I couldn't see then.

I realized that sometimes when I thought,
He's not handling this,
what I really meant was:
He's not handling this the way I would.

My son's missing bed was a perfect example.

He had a solution.

Sleep on a friend's couch.

I just didn't like his solution. 😂

My solution would have involved calling someone.

Confirming when the bed was coming.

Figuring out exactly where he was going to sleep in the meantime.

His solution was basically:

“I'll find somewhere to sleep.”

And here's the thing.

My solution probably was better. 😂

That's what makes these moments so hard.

You're a capable person.
You can see the email that could be sent now.
The phone call that would clear things up.
The plan that would make everything go more smoothly.

There probably is a better way.

But better isn't always the same as necessary.

Because if I'd started calling the delivery company, confirming dates, and figuring out where he was going to sleep...

the bed problem would have become mine.

Instead, he figured it out.

And the next year, when he moved into his apartment for junior year?

His bed was there waiting for him.

Apparently, sleeping on someone's couch taught him something. 😂

That's the bigger question I try to come back to now:

What am I actually trying to accomplish here?

If you keep finding yourself more invested in solving your teenager's problems than they are, let's talk.

On a Parenting Breakthrough Call, we'll figure out which situations actually need your involvement—and where stepping in may be creating some of the frustration between you.

🧡 Jeanine