Thanksgiving with your teenager
If you have teenagers, you already know: enjoying Thanksgiving doesn't just… happen.
Most teens would rather be with friends, scroll TikTok, sleep until noon, or avoid Uncle Mike and his 45-minute monologues.
So if you're already feeling the tension of "I want this to be nice… but I don't want to fight about it," here are a few small shifts that can help.
1️⃣ Talk about it before the day starts
Not in the chaos. Not while the turkey's burning. A calm moment.
Try: "Thanksgiving's going to be busy. I'd love you there for a couple things. What sounds good to you?"
You're setting expectations and showing respect. Teens respond better to that than surprise demands.
2️⃣ Look for a compromise, not a battle
If they want to see friends, try: "I want you with us for Thanksgiving, and we can talk about your plans for Friday."
It's amazing how much easier things get when you show you're not trying to take all their independence away.
3️⃣ Anticipate the tricky stuff together
Judgmental relatives? Loud rooms? Too many questions about school or college?
Try: "What do you want to do if you feel stressed or someone makes a comment that bugs you?"
You're not babying them. You're partnering with them. Teens open up so much more when they feel like you're on their side.
4️⃣ Invite them into something fun
"Come be with the family" will get an eye roll. But "What's something fun you could do with everyone?" asks them to lead.
If they say "I don't know" (and they will), try: "Maybe show the cousins a funny video? Or help with dessert?" Teens love feeling useful when it's optional.
5️⃣ Let go of the "perfect day" fantasy
This one's hard. But when you drop the pressure and focus on connection instead of performance, the whole day feels lighter.
If all you get is one good conversation, one laugh, or even one non-snarky hour, that counts as a win.
A few years ago, I let go of needing everyone at the table for the whole meal. My son ate, then disappeared to FaceTime his girlfriend. I used to stress about what my relatives would think. But when he came back for pie and actually talked to his grandpa? That was the real moment. And I would've missed it if I'd been mad.
You don't have to force connection. Just make room for it.
And honestly… that's more than enough.
🧡 Jeanine
