Phone battles? Try this before the holidays.

The phone battles are exhausting, aren't they?

Every night it's the same thing: "Get off your phone." Eye roll. Argument. You walking away feeling like the bad guy.

I get it. We didn't grow up with smartphones, so how are we supposed to know how to handle them?

And when you read that anxiety and depression in teens spiked right when social media took off (psychologist Jean Twenge's research is sobering),

Of course, you worry.

But here's what I've learned:

The goal isn't to win the phone battle. It's to stop having one.

Imagine this instead:

Your teen comes to dinner and actually puts their phone away without you asking.

They tell you, "I think I need a break from Instagram. It's making me feel bad about myself."

You're not the phone police anymore.

You're the person they come to when they're struggling to find balance.

And when relatives comment about "kids these days and their phones" over Thanksgiving dinner, your teen looks at you, knowing you actually get it.

It might not happen overnight, but it's more possible than you think when they feel understood instead of controlled.

Here's how to start:

👉 Gently point out the pattern.
Ask, "How do you feel after scrolling for an hour—energized or drained?" You're not lecturing. You're helping them notice: "Oh, I feel worse after scrolling, not better."

And if they brush you off the first time, that's okay. You're planting a seed. Keep the tone curious, not concerned, and they'll start noticing it themselves.

👉 Make it a team effort.
Try, "I think we could all use some boundaries around screens. What would feel fair?"

When it's collaborative, they're way more likely to actually do it.

👉 Recognize the gray area. Sometimes their phone is homework. Sometimes it's connection. Sometimes it's escape. Help them see the difference without judgment.

The real change happens when you stop trying to control and start working with them.

That's when tech stops being a daily fight and starts becoming something you figure out together.

🧡 Jeanine