“It shouldn’t be this hard”

There’s a thought most parents won’t say out loud:
It shouldn’t still be this hard.

Here’s what I hear all the time:

They’re calm and capable at work.
They handle difficult personalities without flinching.

But at home?

They’re walking on eggshells.
Stomach in knots.
Bracing for the eye roll, the sarcastic tone, the argument that escalates out of nowhere and ends with slammed doors.

And underneath all of it is one thought they can barely admit:
It still shouldn’t be this hard.

...

Why trying harder isn’t the answer

When parenting feels harder than it “should,” it’s usually not because you’re doing it wrong.

It’s because you’re trying harder at something that no longer works the way it used to.

So you do what every caring parent does.
You try harder with what you already know.

More consequences to motivate them.
More advice to help them avoid mistakes.
Longer heart-to-hearts to try to connect.

...

Why your effort backfires with teenagers

But here’s what’s actually happening.

Your teenager’s brain has shifted.
They’re wired now to figure things out for themselves.

So when you give consequences, they hear:
“You can’t handle your own life.”

When you give advice, they hear:
“I don’t trust you to figure this out.”

When you push for connection, it feels smothering instead of supportive.

The things that helped them when they were younger now feel like you’re blocking their path to independence.

And when teens feel blocked, they push back —
with attitude,
with shutdown,
or by doing the exact opposite of what you ask.

But here’s what parents are always surprised by:

When they pause instead of correcting...
When they ask questions instead of giving advice...
When they stay calm instead of escalating...

Their teen doesn’t take advantage or spiral out of control.
They soften.

Because for the first time, someone is making space for them to think, instead of being told what to think.

...

You already know how to do this

So why does this still feel so hard to do consistently?

It’s not because you don’t know better.

You’re calm at work because you know what you’re doing works.
You’ve seen the results.
You trust your approach.

At home, you’re trying just as hard.
But when your teenager doesn’t do what you ask, you start to doubt everything.

And it’s that doubt, not a lack of skill, that makes you panicked instead of calm.

The good news is, you already know how to stay grounded under pressure.
You do it every day at work.

Parenting teenagers doesn’t require a new personality.
It requires learning what actually works at this stage, so you can feel that same confidence at home.

You don’t need to have it all figured out.

Just hit reply and tell me:
“Parenting my teenager feels harder than it should because…”

Sometimes, that’s where things start to shift.

You’re not alone in this,

🧡 Jeanine