What closeness looks like now

On Tuesday, I wrote about hearing your teenager laughing with friends and realizing how much you missed feeling like you knew their world.

If that email stayed with you...

I think it's because no one ever tells parents what closeness is supposed to look like now.

Everyone tells us to give teenagers more independence.

To back off.

To let them grow up.

But nobody tells us what to move toward instead.

So we do what used to work.

When they tell us they're going out, we ask:

"Who's going?"

"Where are you meeting?"

"What are you doing after?"

"What time will you be home?"

We tell ourselves we're just making conversation.

We're just interested.

We're just trying to stay connected.

But after a while...

they answer the question you asked.

They just stop telling you the rest.

Before long...

you don't really know what's been hard lately.

What they're struggling with.

What's exciting them.

What made them laugh.

Childhood closeness came from sharing experiences.

Teenage closeness comes from sharing themselves.

You don't need to stop being curious.

Just change what you're curious about.

Instead of your teenager's life...

be curious about your teenager's experience of life.

The excitement.

The disappointment.

The fear.

The things they don't quite know what to do with.

That's how you stay close now.

If you've been trying harder and harder to stay connected to your teenager but somehow feeling farther away...

a Parenting Breakthrough Call is exactly the place to untangle that.

Together, we'll look at your family's unique dynamic, identify what may have quietly shifted, and help you become the person your teenager naturally turns to when life gets hard.

🧡 Jeanine